Day 1 - Dear All,

DAY 1

Dear All,

It has been a long time since I posted on this blog. I did have some ideas about motherhood, but I had no idea it was going to be the most time consuming job of my life. The most precious one indeed. The most challenging of course. And the most adventureos inner journey one can imagine whilst carrying a new life through that wonderful maze we call: LIFE.

But slowley and  surely I can feel some parts of my life is coming back. My son is 25 months old :-) My English a bit rusty :-) But, hey I am just about to press the button to post this. And that is good enough for a mum returning back to blogging form a long-long maternity leave :-)

With Love,

Vondores

Chapter 2 Day 34-35-36 Blogging with a Toddler

It is amazing how strong and strong-willed a 10 and a half month old can be!!! He is trying to get my hands off the laptop and wants to write like his mummy. At first, this morning his general interest was all focusing on the mouse, but very shortly after my lovingly shown effort of untangling the wire and unplugging it, meaning him having full control over it, he did not wanted it any more, but getting back on my lap and pushing the buttons, like I do.

Ooops, sound of big bang… The mouse just landed under the bed, this little boy is very angry, that I don’t let him play with the buttons, fair enough, I told him last night, the mouse has gone to sleep, so I need to take a break from writing and give my little one a cuddle…

A day later:

Yesterday afternoon we visited a machine embroidery workshop. I was over the moon by the sight of the machines and all the wonderful design ideas that came to me. During the meantime Baby PT fall asleep in the buggy while listening to monotonous sound of the industrial machine. This morning I woke early and worked on Vondores designs. I also managed to get some space for machines at my in-laws utility room, so no more kitchen table taking over at home. I am feeling energetic and excited, praise God!

Chapter 2 Day 33 Ma Life as a Mum (Continuing from: Teething Blues and The House of Thousands-Miles Shoes)

30 days ago, I got so excited about the long-lost fact suddenly jumping out from the dreams locked away in an old box up in the attic: ‘The sun is shining through the windows and this is the day I can reload that magic mirror that has bumped the words out of my mind as a pleasant stream on the misty moor towards the watching eyes of the land of fantasy for many years: Yes, I can write again.’

A day after that gently burning buzz in my tummy I woke and my baby with a warm temple curled up in my arms, seeking that very special love of his mum. Praise God he is better now, weighing less by loosing his baby fat over the cough syrups and antibiotics, but we are very happy to have his cheerful cheeks back and that very special look in his wonderfully blue eyes. Life is so wonderful.

Getting back on the shoes: they came from thousands miles all the way from London, were stored in The House with The Garden for a couple of years and after here in the cellar and finally they have found a new home. I gave them away to a lovely friend. And I got a new pair of boots and shoes that fit and comfi and have all the things shoes has to  and the ones I had weren’t. I bought those at the beginning of my breakdown in the whirlwind of trying to have matching shoes to all my clothes. They weren’t really my style, weren’t really comfi and weren’t representing anything I was hoping one day they would, apart from remembering me of that large dept I used to have and that wasn’t why I got them on the first place.

I used to think I would not buy anything, as I had so many things from the time of shopping addiction, but I recycled about 20 sacks of clothes by giving them away, and so on. I kept those I like and still wear. I had a ‘romantically sustainable’ idea in 2010 I believe that I would not buy anything any more, just use those clothes I already had. But after 4 years I simply needed the feeling of having something new. New shoes and jeans for sure, as my old ones as my husband put it were: ‘Untenable.’ meaning looking old, extremely worn and far from sophisticated. I even went shopping on the Glamour Days with my sister-in-law and returned home like Carrie from Sex and the City with bags and bags. How nice feeling it was to buy something I needed, not just because I wanted a quick fix on my wounded soul. And of course it was a very different ballgame shopping as a mum: somehow grown-up. Whatever it means!

I remember having a discussion with my MA course leader about the buzz of shopping once, but at that time I had no intention to understand what she meant by the need of it. Now, I know after 4 years of not buying anything and after only buying what I needed by this experience I can honestly say: I can grasp the essence of her very meaningful words in relation to the very important science of consumer behaviour.

Chapter 2 Day 2-3 Teething Blues and The House of Thousands-Miles Shoes

I had all the intention to get up the following morning after my first post. But the Baby Teething Blues CD got into the player, which is so well-known for all parents with small children and we spent our night crying in bed, playing in the living room and sitting in the kitchen watching the wonderful play of the blue light coming out of that white thing looking like a tower while it made that strange noise just before started to blow its nose. ‘I gave a big sigh when mummy said something like it stopped. So far that was the first thing that made me forget about the pain in my mouth, watching the blue and white tower blowing its nose. I had no idea what stop means yet, but I love hearing mummy’s voice, it makes me feel safe whatever happens. It gives me almost the same feeling when I see her. There she is my mummy and I know everything is ok. I know when I cry she picks me up, strokes my hair and my back when I wake and she still has that lovely smell that reassures me, I will never go hungry. Something is happening in my mouth, it hurts and I love being in my mummy’s arms so much just to make me feel loved and safe. She is my natural pain killer.’

7am Baby wakes, to be continued with the shoes…

Chapter 2 Day 1 So Many Days After Giving Birth

I had no idea what I was thinking about the next blog post 9 months ago, when I wrote my last post just before going to hospital to give birth to our little bundle of joy Paul Theodore (Theodoreable, as Debbie a wonderful TA from Cardiff called him over the summer). He is 9kg now, crawls, stands and walks as far as he can find furniture to hold on to in the flat, but I certainly did not think it would take me 9 months to write my next post. I did indeed try at least a few times hoping by every month that I could start very soon. I have the proof on my laptop which broke down a couple of months ago and on this of my wonderful husband’s. I was just going to write this one does not have English spelling, but I had a quick thought of checking it and of course it has. That says it all about me and IT :-)

Looking after a little one does wipe out many levels of logical thinking from mummy’s brain when it comes to anything else but feeding, nappy changing and all the general tasks around a baby. (I must collect all my ‘Intended-to-be-posted’ Writings at some point. It is going to be interesting to read them. Most of the times though I only got to switch on the laptop, but did not do any writing as Paul Theodore needed me :-)

I love being a mum!!! I have never thought it was going to be such a joyful task. I do feel this journey is the beginning of Chapter 2 in my life. All that was before seems so far away by now. At the moment I feel that I don’t want to change the world any more, I just would like to be a good mum and a wife and I think this is the right thing to do at this time of my life.

I remember being told that the first 6 weeks is going to be tough, but to be honest the first 3 months sounds closer to reality. And now that Baby PT (as Kerst our Dear Friend calls him) eats solids it is a completely different ballgame. It is a lot easier the days don’t seem any more one long feed and we have lots of fun as we have laid down the foundations of our parents and baby communication already (tightly closed lips if no more food wanted for example and cheeky looks when trying to grab something that is forbidden, like TV, standing lamp and sockets).

There is so much to write about, things we have been doing and future plans and I can only hope that tomorrow early in the morning, while everybody else if going to be sleeping here I will be able to get up again and write about the secret life of Vondores, because there is one indeed…

Day 845 I Love You Baby…

Thank you so much for all your prayers. It is happening early in the morning :-)

Day 844 The Day Before Due Date

The mauve cake was a success! Yay! This is going to be a short post. My back is aching so much. Off to bed now. And to the hospital tomorrow. Prayers are appreciated :-) Thank you!