Third day back in London and yes I admit the day has started with immense amount of stress again. We had an out-of-love-and-protection-argument on the phone with mum, about MA, recession and finances. It made us both very emotional and stressed. After that I went off to the bank, queued for a long time and walked all the way to uni to meet the new course leader. When I got there, the receptionist couldn`t tell me who my new course leader was and where she was. I haven`t met her before. All I knew she has taken over our course. I was directed to the student admin office where the lady told me she knew the receptionist would send her everybody when he doesn’t know what to say. She looked very annoyed that I didn’t have my timetable with me and I didn’t know who I was looking for and I didn’t know where the person who I didn’t know who she who was supposed to be. Finally someone gave me a description of a lady with a blond bob I should look out for. For half an hour nothing happened. Even though I tried to ring Centre for Sustainable Fashion in case Hatty was in, who always knows everything and spot on helpful. She wasn’t in. A girl picked up who kept explaining to me the person I was looking for is not working there and I should call LCF reception. The number she gave me didn’t work.
At least I bumped into Julie one of the tutors from PDDFI, who is running now a new course in International Fashion Management which is a joint BA and MA. Sounds great. She said she might invite me to talk to her students about my local development research. That was the flattering of the day!
Finally I saw Sal coming in to the building and she helped me to find Susan the new course leader. She has dark long hair, not a blond bob and she was sitting in the newly re-vamped waiting area approximately 5 meters away from me during the whole time. She has a soft kind voice and more like a mother figure. Maybe that is why and because I had an argument with mum and I have all this uncertainty about living arrangements the pressure of finishing the MA and the pressure of earning money and paying off debts, but as soon as she asked me how I was doing, I burst into tears. She straight away took me to an empty room , which reminded me off Luisa my manager from work when I was getting sick and Vivien 8 years ago when I did Interior Design. There is a book called In the Praise of Older Women, which is about something very different, but I somehow always remember that title when experiencing motherly care.
We talked through different options and Susan suggested she would become my second mentor and she very generously offered to meet or phone every week to give me support to finish the thesis. I have to send her my rejigged proposal. I have a 2 day first aid training before that. I only have 9 weeks left until hand-in, but to be able to start working I have to spend two whole days on that course.
By the time I got to debt advice I had no tears left for today and had a focused discussion about the ins and outs.
My emotions are all over the place though and I did cry again when I was told by the Mission Year supervisors that I most likely won`t be able to go home for Christmas, because I wouldn`t be able to afford it, especially when other people are supporting me with Mission Year rent. As Christina would say I started `giving lip service` that it was simply blackmailing and so on. I have worked in retail since I started BA in 2005, 6 years ago and I couldn’t wait to the year when I wasn`t working there any longer and be able to spend Christmas with my family back home. I got so frustrated I nearly walked out in the middle of the discussion. There is a lot to learn this year I believe about patience.
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