Thumbs up for your encouragement it means a lot! All your comments are welcome! Any memories, feelings, suggestions please do share and comment!
I am sitting on the sofa starting to read through the research papers I printed out from 2008. I remember at Open Access, one of my classmates said I must have been a very good researcher and know exactly what to look for and where because you printed out so much material. I have to go to work when this room is open and I read it on the tube I said. And going through some of the papers, it comes to my mind, what was I thinking to print that out! It has nothing to do with my project. I also found some stuff I couldn’t recognise, it must have got muddled up in the printer with other students work. Printing brings up the question of environmentally friendly study methods, I printed out hundreds of pages and I could have saved all that paper if I hadn’t worked, but if I hadn’t worked I wouldn’t be here writing this blog about my thesis, because there would be no thesis. I remember my naïve expectation when I applied for the Herold Tillman scholarship at uni, I was unrealistically hopeful thinking to myself because I worked full-time during my full-time BA, I must get that scholarship. I have proved I am a hard worker, I`ve done my bit of hardship. How wrong I was! No one cared about my hardship and almost every single postgraduate student at LCF applied for the scholarship having their hopes just as high as mine was. And, most likely the 10 people who got it had written a lot better application and had a lot better project to propose than myself and the rest. I have to say I was very surprised when I found out who got it from our MA. I found out half-way and I was too exhausted and was feeling terrible sorry for myself in the prospect several months constant tread milling at both work and uni that I simply wasn’t able to be happy for her. It was indeed a big slap on the face and that slap feasted in me as flies feast on open wounds. But because this is England when she told me I expressed my happiness and gave a smile to my hot water cup and I imagined it was tea.
I often asked `God why did you do this to me?`After I finished BA I applied for a job at Per Una, for an internship with Besom and for MA and prayed something like Lord I know the I get is your plan for me. Joyce Meyer does say to be careful what you we are praying for based on her husband`s experience, who prayed for a women to marry, who was difficult and who he could help out of the mass she was in. he was obedient and married Joyce not even having the faintest idea she was going to turn out years later an influential preacher inspiring millions of women. Anyway, I got accepted on MA, never heard from Per Una and wasn’t meant to be with Besom . Now, I do understand why I am doing the MA and why I didn’t get the scholarship. I would have done a totally different project, which I wasn’t meant to be. And, I also understand now that if I had got the scholarship, I would have never gone to LBS and never got my research where it is at the moment. I remember that evening before one of our deadlines when I was sitting on my desk totally exhausted on the phone with the scholarship girl telling me she had writtem 12.000 words already, wasn`t finished yet and felt she had to cut out about a 4-5000 and when she asked me how much I wrote and I said I barely 2000 she went silent on the other end of the phone and sounded very concerned about what the tutors were going to say and why I didn’t do more. I could have screamed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like a massive failure and as my drive was steadily fading by then I couldn’t care less what they were going to say. I was exhausted!!! Eventually I put the phone down and went to bed. I did cry myself to sleep. I woke up 4am with my eyes wide puffed up from back to front and right to left and top to bottom. I felt better. This marked the start of `am-gonna-have-to-try-to-talk-myself-out-of-this-situation` strategy at presentations and tutorials. With that girl we both did an independent project and our course leader has encouraged us to share experience about our progress. I have put an end to this very soon. Every single time I went away thinking I was a failure, my project was a failure and I shouldn’t even be on MA. I talked to Sally about it. She tried to talk sense in me that I shouldn’t look at others, but sometimes sense doesn’t make sense. I was so much caught up juggling work and study that I never had time to set back and look at life through clean glasses. It is sooo good to sit back now and enjoy proper study time! I know I keep going on about it, but it is fantastic! And now I am enjoying the fruit of a priceless experience I gained during my illness when I got an excellent training at understanding the importance of waiting for the answers for all the whys of life.
I read a lot about R&D, GDP, Innovation, felt making and the legends of its origin and all sorts even cows in Uganda that gives 9l milk and provides a family of 15 with income. Gone through the last report I handed in about the rise of entrepreneurial taxes in the Hungarian artisan sector examining my grand parents` and mum`s workshop and the effect of policy making on the decreasing number of Hungarian artisans. Read again about transition economy and interesting findings about the almost non-existent tax system of the small percentage private sector during communism. It is almost a common knowledge that the bureaucracy burden and extremely high 51% entrepreneurial taxes makes it almost impossible to start an enterprise here in Hungary as I started Vondores in the UK. It was easy and straight forward about 5 minutes on the internet. During my gap year before university I spent a year here at home and wanted to start a one –man craft business. I had the idea and the market, but didn’t have enough money to register my business, which was a ridiculously high amount and all sorts of additional fees. Even if I had the money to register from the moment of registration I would have been expected to pay a monthly national insurance fee that is more than 10 times higher than in England. At the end gave up my idea, because if the Hungarian Inland Revenue (APEH) would have found out about my products, both myself and the retailer would have been given a huge find. I had to options benefits or a cleaning job. I took the cleaning job.
I found this in my research: By 2050 the world`s urban population is expected to be 6 billion (93% of that from developing countries). I wonder how much migration is going to happen between townies and countrisidies. I am slowly but surely becoming a countrysidie again.
Those Lovely readers, who has enquired about lunch: we had potatoes stew with home-made salami a`la Dad and cucumber salad with home-made sour cream.
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