Day 108 A 48-hour Roller Coaster Ride and the Power of Encouragement/Discouragement

Two days ago, when I left the Study Support Office at uni I was confident I could finish the thesis on time and been working hard up until this morning. I went to bed late, got up early in the, had my phone at hand to make notes on the go. There was a buzz in the air and my overall belief in the project and in myself was restored to the extent, as it was when I started in 2008. Yvonne spent an hour encouraging me about the amount of research I`ve done, the outcomes and the project itself, which she can see could potentially make positive impact on people`s life. She went through with me on all the things that could make me think I wouldn`t pass. It was a great morning and I was once again happy about the choice of research area I so strongly believe in against all the difficulties I`ve encountered since the start.

This morning I had a tutorial over the phone with my old course leader, who told me, it didn’t matter how much research I`ve done if I don’t fill the criteria for the learning outcomes I won’t get a pass. I really did not need to hear that 2 weeks before hand-in. It was a hit below the waist from someone who forgot to refer me to the disability board when I got ill. She asked me some very complicated questions that I couldn’t answer, leaving me questioning my own ability for research and writing. This is crazy, who an earth would say to a student two weeks before handing in a master`s thesis, that they might not pass? Even if she thinks that, she had 3 years to tell me!!! I am not happy! I thought we would just meet for 10 min to talk through the bits was missed out a year ago from the process. And I got a tutorial instead which is really stressing me out now. This is the second time this happened. More than a year ago, when I wanted to tell her that something wasn’t right, she just brushed it off and gave me a tutorial about my project asking me all those complicated questions I couldn’t answer.

I just talked to my mum, she said, whatever if you don’t pass you don’t pass, you`ve done what could, so don’t worry. I LOVE MY MUM!!!