Miracle, today I`ve worked on the thesis for at least 7 hours! What a pleasure! I only have 8 days left until I go back to London and have to collate as much of the research material as I can. I can`t take them back with me, after paying all that money to send them home in July. Funny, what kind of stuff I find mixed in the research piles. One of my cousins asked for a cake receipt I wrote down a couple years ago and I totally forgot in which note book. Today I found it in one of the black moleskin ones, I from Hannah when I first went to Southern African. My `big-little-sister` made notes on Lesotho, Mozambique, Swaziland and South Africa with a map each and some essential language twists. She is the most original graphic designer I`ve ever met. Her work is based on connections between people and places, pure and fascinating simple facts about lives.
I have also found out I shouldn’t have brought all that materials home, some of them were revised versions of the Masters Proposal, the contextual studies essay: Loss of Sunday Dress and the Research Report. Well, this is once again happened due to lack of time. I can`t wait to be able to be in a position when I have time to sort things out and be prepared for packing and unpacking when I have to and what I have to and where I have to.
The only problem is when writing thesis, that after a few hours my eyes start to ache and I need to stop for a while to regenerate. I used to be able to work on my laptop for 12 hours straight. The thesis is coming together, still very slowly but has a lot more depths to it now. We got our tutorial slots today and have to send an outline in soon, which I am intended to do tomorrow, otherwise it will be just postponed.
I am watching a film on TV as I am writing this `Welcome Commander` written by Istvan Orkeny.
Mr Lajos Tot is a well-respected fire commander, who is adored by his wife and daughter. They have a son on the front. One day he sends a postcard to his parents that his commander would come and spend his 2 weeks sick leave at their family home. The parents and the daughter with great enthusiasm start to prepare for the arrival of the guest, who due to front shock can`t stand either noise or smell, but finds great pleasure in making paper boxes all night expecting Mr Tot, Mrs Tot and their daughter Agnes to help him. The whole family is pushed on the edge of exhaustion, but because they don’t want to jeopardise the son`s `safety` on the front under the commander, they go along with his craziness. But when the commander gets an extra 3 days holiday to spend with the Tots and carry on making boxes during the night Mr Tot feels the only solution is to liquidate him. Sadly their son dies, but the simpleton postman hides the telegram under a rock not to upset them, therefore all the struggles they go through and the death of the commander is unnecessary.
We do go along with things with the belief that we are doing it for right reasons and when we are pushed over the edge we realise it was not worse it the way we expected. That is what some call testing times with the conclusion what doesn’t break you makes you stronger. I call it experience and the journey of exploring our true self, purifying the innocence of origin in our hearts glorified by wisdom. But the truth is wisdom can be heavy and innocence hard. And if this manifests itself in strength, that is true victory. If not, there is nothing else left.
As I watched the Tot`s journey towards exhaustion, I started to feel the well-known pressure around my chest and heavy weights on my shoulder. I have many sleepless nights ahead by the time I finish the thesis. Is it going be a true victory or nothing else left? Only God knows.
I haven’t written about food for a long time, but the Lovely, Fearfully and Wonderfully made Nicole I met last year reminded me the importance of encouragement had on her. Mum made traditional Hungarian Cheese-cake with home-made cottage cheese. It is very different from the English cheese-cake. It has a milk-loaf type base and a cottage cheese, potato, sour cream and dill mixture on the top. It is so delicious. It used to be baked in a traditional beehive oven. I remember my great granny had one and I loved sitting on the chimney corner. Wonderful memories of childhood! She used to bake bread in it and cooked the most delicious food: chicken soup, stuffed cabbage, Hungarian cheese cake and so on. I was thinking the other day to have a beehive oven built in The House in the next 10 years plan.
Sad news: I might have to have one of the birch trees cut out, one of the neighbours is complaining about the falling autumn leaves. The law stands by them, it is within 5 meters from their house and the leaves fall on their flower beds. I am going to be very sad when it finally has to go. It just came the wrong time, when so many things are not working and causing stress. But can the news of possibly losing a tree come ever in the right time?
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