Well, today we had everything, spontaneous cries and laughs. Overflowing emotions washed the streets where we walked and talked for these two months. I am tired and restless at the same time feeling the change is coming and coming and coming. From tomorrow my home is London again and I have be content to adore The House with The Garden as a distant memory once again.
http://www.brenebrown.com/welcome after seeing this I realised: I am paddling in the same boat with the artisans, in Hungary. We can`t make ends meet and we are frustrated by lack of security. I am the perfect person to do this research, I can feel, physically feel hopelessness. But because of simple fear I feel, what if it is not going to work out, what if am gonna be told, my research is bad my theory is bad, my whole project is bad, what if I won`t be able to be finish it because I believe these things even before they are said to me or even before they born in other`s people minds. But it is already living in my mind. I fear I am not good enough to do this, because I am in debt, I had a breakdown, I am still financially not self-sufficient, I am not married, I haven`t got kids and I had been a blinkered daughter of hard-working parents, who are both ill. But in reality, what does it matter if I am not married, when it comes to read research materials and contact interviews. The outcome would be the same, if I was married and have kids. I would ask the same questions about taxes, entrepreneurship and markets from the people I am interviewing and they would answer the same questions even if I was married or not, they would have no idea. They don’t have a ready-made answer 1. for `married researcher only` and answer 2. for `unmarried researcher only`. What a false fear I was enslaved to for so long!
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